Self Care Is Hard and It's Not Fair Other People Are Really Good At It - A Memoir
Phewf. We’re two weeks into our lockdown chez Hannon and IT SURE HAS BEEN A LEARNING CURVE. In this smaller world we find ourselves in, self care and kindness are critical to staying mentally well. It’s one of the biggest threats we face health-wise, after the virus itself.
If I’m completely honest, I’ve allowed my daily routine to soften quite considerably over the last week or so as I’ve mourned our loss of freedom, safety and normality. By the weekend I started to feel a bit rubbish about it - like I was losing momentum. This then brought up all those feelings of ‘not-enoughness’ and identity and worthiness that being busy plasters over. I am a sucker for this unhealthy cycle.
My partner is now working from home so we are also in close proximity a lot more and I’ve noticed she’s dealing with this all WAY better than me. She’s brilliant and kind and naturally a very gentle person. I am naturally boisterous, prone to excessive bursts of energy and find it hard to be kind to myself. I tend to feel a feeling, suppress it, feel guilty about it if it’s not productive, and then punish myself by forcing an activity that soothes my ego, but not my body and mind. I am better these days than I have been, but the lockdown means I get to witness this process playing out in more stark relief.
So what is she doing that I am failing to? Apart from being the sort of annoying role model of healthy coping mechanisms you want to shout, “HOW DO YOU STAY SO EFFING MENTALLY WELL?” at? This is what I have creepily observed:
She feels a feeling, allows it to manifest and then does something kind for herself. She cries a lot, honestly. It turns out this is pretty healthy. By feeling those feelings, we process them and get them out of our system. We can then do something nice to soothe ourselves, like make a cup of tea, play a game or have a delicious snack.
She allows herself to be mindfully unproductive. Sometimes we just need to play, be and enjoy an activity for the sake of it. It doesn’t need to be a hustle or a way of ‘bettering oneself’. Doing something joyful just for the sake of it is healthy and healing.
She goes to bed at the same time EVERY NIGHT. She has taught me the wonders of a good bedtime routine. I was one of those manic-eyed people who would work on a project until 1am and then look like a ghost the next day. She has given me the gift of sleep - my body knows when I’m going to put it to bed now and thanks me for it.
She has a cracking sense of humour. She laughs at herself a lot. She laughs at me even more. She encourages me to dance poorly for her amusement. I make her knock to come into my ‘office’ (the spare room). This keeps her, and me, sane.
Stay safe and well. Observe yourself, check out unhealthy processes and be kind to yourself above all else. We’ve got this.