It’s Only a Bit of Banter!

I played rugby for a good 12 years. Before then, I spent many a blustery Saturday as a kid watching my dad breaking his nose for the 14th time playing for Tabbard Rugby Club In Watford. You might say clubhouses have been a second home for most of my adult life. These experiences have given me a pretty decent insight into the culture of banter and the role it plays in cementing together communities - particularly those who find other forms of more emotional connection really tricky. If I had a quid for every time I was called a big girl’s blouse . . .*

So, What is the Purpose of Banter? What Does it Offer Us?

I talk to businesses a lot about banter as an inclusion topic these days. I don't think there's been a particular resurgence, more of an acceptance that banter is a dominant language, custom, and tradition. It can make sense to people, and make them feel at home - perhaps familiar to them because of their own upbringings. But for those who haven't historically been exposed to banter, it can feel disturbing, aggressive and even harmful. It's just banter, right? How can casual humour and a bit of light ribbing be problematic?

Workplaces can be a bit like rugby clubs. Shows of vulnerability are met with trepidation and well-meaning minimization. There’s a fear of being ‘soft’ and of course, EMOTIONS ARE INHERENTLY VERY SOFT THINGS PARTICULARLY THE SOFT, SOFT RAGE I FELT WHEN SOMEONE PULLED DOWN A SCRUM.

I digress.

The first question I ask people in my banter workshops is: what are the rules of banter? What are the rules that prevent banter from becoming bullying for example? It's often hard to pin down exactly where to draw the line. On the whole, it seems to rely on an understanding that there's consent, often subtly implied. But that makes it really difficult if someone doesn't understand this. And it seems that there is a reluctance to explain the rules of banter. Perhaps under scrutiny, they don't really hold up.

Doing Things Differently but Keeping a Sense of Humour About It

I work with organisations to examine what banter is and more importantly what it is not. I am an advocate for humour in almost all human situations, particularly at work. It is life's great decompressor and allows people to connect in a way that soothes their nervous systems. I am pro having a laugh - evangelically so.

However, banter serves two distinct purposes and without knowledge and understanding of what these are, and the confidence to embrace them, more and more banter will tip into problematic bullying behaviour. The impact of this can be profoundly traumatic and disturbing for employees, and like any cultural norm is hard to change if allowed to embed.

If you recognise banter is a challenge in your workplace and you'd like to get a grip on it before it takes too much hold (and without being accused of being the humour-police), get in touch. This is not about eliminating humour from the workplace, quite the opposite. This is about empowering people with knowledge, understanding and empathy so that they can use it as they intend to rather than cause unintended negative consequences for themselves and those around them.

Banter is a sharp tool, best use it wisely.

*I have many more far more eye-watering examples so ask me in person if you have the stomach for it 